It has been about 5 days since we took a leap of faith and shared our story on social media. When I started blogging I only shared my posts with, like, 4 people. I was so hesitant to let people in to see me so vulnerable and raw. Once we learned that IVF would be our future, I immediately wanted to share our story mainly because I wanted to open conversation with others and luckily my husband was on the same page as I was. But here’s my problem, I like people to think that I am hard, have thick skin all of the time and that there isn’t anything that’ll shake me. I’m not a crier, I see the positive side of almost everything, I can go with the flow, and I do have thick skin but I’m human and sometimes my guard does comes down and that is what you see in my blog, all of these vulnerable, raw moments. So with that being said, there was a lot of hesitation and once I finally posted it, I immediately felt like I couldn’t breathe because I didn’t know what kind of feedback we would get. Was it going to be positive, negative, or would there be any at all?
After posting my blog and a quick blurb about our reality we had so many people reach out to us. It was amazing. People I haven’t talked to in years sent me messages telling me they are so glad I shared our story and that they had a similar story. Complete strangers reached out to me to tell me their story. Complete strangers reached out to me to tell me they have been touched by our story and will be praying for us. I learned that there are many people who have been through IVF or who have had a close friend/family member go through this process. When we posted our story, it was incredible to see how many people were open to sharing theirs with us. It made my heart ache to hear others stories and to hear them say how they didn’t feel comfortable opening up to people about their experiences. It makes my heart hurt that they had to face this struggle on their own. I had people reach out to me and tell me to make sure that AJ and I lean on each other through this and that we are kind to each other everyday. I heard stories from others who said that their infertility ruined their marriage because neither them or their spouse were sure how to handle that much heart break. This breaks my heart right down the middle. Maybe if we lived in a society that was more educated about infertility or one that doesn’t look the other way when the talk of infertility comes up, there wouldn’t be so many relationships being broken by it. I agree, you should be able to lean on your partner during this, but at the same time, the more people that know, the more people you have to talk to about it and you aren’t relying 100% on each other to put all the pieces back together every single time you break. It’s hard to think about anything else or put energy into anything else once you get started down this road and that can weigh so heavily on both of you. Just having someone else, like a neutral ground, to listen to you blow off some steam can make a world of difference.
It’s 2018. I don’t think infertility is as scary as a topic as it used to be, but it still isn’t something that gets brought up very often. I totally get it, I was a little embarrassed by it at first as well and had a hard time talking about it. I kept thinking I’m 23, how in the world am I not reproducing like a rabbit? I should be reproducing like a rabbit. But as it turns out, our story is different and these are the cards we have been dealt. God is in control. He is always in control. I truly believe that He will bless us when the time is right. His timing, not mine.
AJ and I were so extremely blessed when we posted about our struggle publicly. As his mom said, we have an army of people praying for us and our story really has touched so many people. We have received nothing but positive feedback. We are still overwhelmed by all of the people who have been encouraging, kind, shown their support and love, who have let us know that we are in their prayers or who have told us that they are thinking of us. I have no words to accurately explain how thankful we are for all of these people who are in our corner and cheering us on. Not only are we blessed to have all of this support but our future Baby A or A’s are already SO blessed to come into this world someday with all of you rooting for them.