Two Pink Lines

It’s November 26th and we just found out this morning via a HPT (home pregnancy test) that we are in fact, PREGNANT. I am in such disbelief and SO overjoyed to be able to say, I AM PREGNANT. This has been a very hard, trying, heartbreaking, lesson-teaching, roller coaster of a year, but we made it through and we made it through that storm, hand in hand with a sweet little baby A cozied up inside of me.

This morning I jumped back into bed and awoke my husband by shoving the pregnancy tests in his hands and crying hysterically telling him I was pregnant. I threw the surprise I had planned right out the window, and although I was sad I couldn’t surprise him, those moments we shared are something that I will forever cherish and remember for a lifetime. It was the sweetest moment thus far. It seems like such a dream, I feel like I am in a haze and someone is going to pinch me to wake me up anytime.

Before I took those tests, I had such an overwhelming but calming feeling telling me I was pregnant. Every ounce of my being was telling me that I was pregnant and that our transfer had worked. It was such an incredible but odd feeling to just know that there was life happening in me. Mother’s intuition. (I say after finding out I am pregnant less than 12 hours ago – HA!)

Right now, I want to yell from the rooftop that I am pregnant and tell the entire world. We are only 3 weeks, 4 days along and if this were a natural pregnancy, I wouldn’t have even missed a period yet. Our sweet baby is only the size of a chia seed right now. It is VERY early in the pregnancy stage and we understand that we need to be cautiously optimistic because so much can happen in this fragile time, but for right now we are overjoyed and celebrating this pregnancy and this sweet little baby that is growing inside of me.

During our long journey to get to this point, and after our failed transfers, and before this last round, I would BEG God to give me a sign that we would find success and that everything was going to work out for us. Late August, we were leaving our nephews birthday party where it had suddenly poured down rain while the sun was shining. On the drive home, I noticed a double rainbow and right when I saw this rainbow, a voice and a feeling just rushed through my body to tell me that it was all going to be OK. I didn’t tell anyone about this, not even my husband because I really wanted to ponder on it. Instead, I had him take a quick photo of it, so that I’d always remember that feeling.  Secondly, we love The Voice and typically watch every season of it. Last season, we just so happened to sit down and watch it the night we found out our very first transfer had failed, one of the contestants sang the song “Let It Be”. This has always been a song that I loved but it just seemed that hearing that song that night, of all nights, was really what I needed to get through that heartbreak. It felt like a sign that we were going to get through it and eventually blessings would come our way. The night before this last transfer, we sat down to watch The Voice again and yet another contestant sang the song “Let It Be”.  I  was immediately taken back to the night of our first failed transfer, drowning myself in wine, and crying listening to that song but yet, I was overwhelmed with a calm feeling and butterflies in my tummy. I knew that these were the signs I was begging God for, that everything was going to work out and that I would eventually be a mommy and I would eventually be able to give my husband a baby, making him a daddy.

Regardless, the pain, the heartbreak, the trials, the fight, all of the pokes, all of the prods, all of the bumps in the road were so very worth it to finally be able to say we are pregnant.

Beating the Odds.

As promised, here is our update after keeping all of you in the dark.

We finished stims (hooooray!) and went through retrieval. I finally was able to get all the ‘grapes’ I was carrying around in my ovaries out, the bloat was substantial this time and my husband started telling me that it looked like I was wearing a fanny pack because of it – HA!

The retrieval was a little different this time, the University puts their patients under Anesthesia, as opposed to just a conscious sedation that I was under the time before. It was the BEST nap of my life! Upon waking, we learned that they collected 8 eggs. If I’m being honest, this number kind of hit me like a freight train. I had 19 follicles and had stimmed for 3 more days this time than I did previously and yet, they only collected 8 (remembering last retrieval we got 11). I was so upset but tried to remain as optimistic as possible about this number. The doctor who did our retrieval came in to talk with us and he said that he was hopeful that by Day 5, we would have 1, maybe 2 blasts make it. Again, crushed. I couldn’t imagine going through this again (although, I will if I need to but it is a hard road mentally & physically) and all I could think of were none of them making it and having to start all over again. The day after retrieval we got the update that 6 eggs fertilized but only 5 fertilized normally. So now, we were down to working with only 5 embryos and praying for a miracle that we would get a 50% or more blast rate which honestly, isn’t average or normal at all.

The next 5 days were a bit painful and mostly uncomfortable, I found myself lounging on the couch as much as I could to recover from the retrieval. The next 5 days also were anxiety ridden thinking every time my phone rang it was the doctors office calling with horrible news that all of our embryos had arrested and we didn’t have any to freeze/transfer.

But, we made it through that emotional wait and by the grace of God, we were given some of the BEST news we had heard in a long time. We finally felt like things were looking up for us and that there was the light we had been hoping for. One Day 5, we received the news that we had 1 blastocyst that was expanded with a grade of ‘good’. We also received the news that we had 1 blast they were planning to freeze later that day because they wanted to let it grow just a little bit more and another that they were hopeful about that they planned to allow growing time until the next day, Day 6. Again, anxiety ridden for one more day. On Day 6, we found out we had 2 more blastocysts. Both of them are expanded (which is GREAT) one is also graded ‘good’ and the other was graded ‘excellent’. We feel like we beat all odds. 8 eggs retrieved, 5 fertilized and 3 BABY A’s. This was a major blessing to us. We had over 50% blast rate!

Coming up on this IVF cycle, we were back and forth about whether we would go ahead with a fresh transfer or whether we would freeze all and transfer 6ish weeks after our retrieval. Our clinic’s success rate is about 2% higher with a fresh than a frozen but overall, research shows that frozen transfers are better because it gives your body time to heal and return to normal before trying to become pregnant. I will post another update soon on which option we ended up choosing and when that transfer will be or when that transfer was.