There are so many things that no one tells you about when going through IVF and there are many more to add to the list when you choose to share your story with the world. Lately, I’ve found myself questioning whether being public about our struggle was the right choice to make or not. Each day, I end the day with a new conclusion and it never seems to stay consistent.
We chose to share this journey with anyone who would read it because we felt we needed to raise awareness and also put it all on the table so that we didn’t feel so alone on this lonely road. But as it turns out, there are still many lonely situations to face.
No one tells you that you will feel like everyone looks at you with pity, that you have now became the girl that the rest of the world pities because she has been drug through hell and back with nothing to show for it, still. No one tells you that people will have no idea what to say to you so everyone will just ask you how you’re feeling every time they see you, because infertility must make you sick or maybe it’s just a pathway to open the conversation.
No one tells you that you will feel like you are so behind on timing, that you feel like you will never catch up to others in your life. No one tells you that even though you are still the young age of 24, you feel like you should have a couple offspring and a minivan at this point. No one tells you that you will feel like you are running out of time compared to the speed of life others around you are carrying on while you are just stuck in limbo waiting to see what is next on your calendar of meds and procedures.
No one tells you that when you want to lean on someone in your everyday life, it’s a struggle because they really don’t get it. They don’t understand that although you were never technically ‘pregnant’ you still feel like you were and twice for that matter. Along with that you feel like you suffered through losing a baby, twice or that you believe you have 3 Baby A’s dancing around in heaven right now. No one tells you that they won’t understand that you can relate to feeling hormonal because again, although you were never ‘pregnant’ you still got to deal with all of those lovely pregnancy hormones. No one tells you that you will feel like maybe you don’t understand and you are just being a little over the top thinking that you actually do know what they are talking about and can relate.
No one tells you that when you are open, honest and raw about your journey, you will come across family and friends whom don’t want to share the fact that they are pregnant with you like it will send you winding down a dark path or that they don’t want to post on social media about said pregnancy because of your situation. No one tells you that when you experience this and hear these reasonings, it will feel like someone stabbed you right in your heart. No one tells you that these situations will make you feel like sharing your story robbed someone else of celebrating their happiness and their bundle of joy, because of you and your misfortune.
No one tells you that being 100% transparent with anyone and everyone will feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off your shoulders. No one tells you that you will meet some of the absolutely sweetest IVF sisters from all over the United States to share all of the happy, frustrating, discouraging, exciting moments with and they will completely get it. No one tells you that you will gain an army of support behind you that will cheer and pray for you and your Baby A daily. No one tells you that although, there are going to be moments that make you question your transparency, you really did make the best decision in the world by sharing this experience with others.