My Husband Gets The Worst Of Me

It has been brought to my attention that on the outside it appears that my husband and I are just floating through the difficult roads we have been on and that we don’t necessarily let it really dig into our relationship. While we have really fought this battle and are handling the situation we have been given tremendously, in my opinion. It is far from fairytale perfect.

Let’s start off with the fact that my husband and I are teammates. To me, we do make the best team. We take turns riding shotgun. If I can’t take control of a situation, if I’m not up to par that day or it may not be my forte’, he takes the driver seat and vice versa. But on the same hand, life isn’t always rainbow and butterflies and there are things that can throw our groove off. Namely; Infertility and IVF.

I’ve always said that I wouldn’t allow what is going on in my life or the hormones affect my mood and especially not towards him. As shameful as I am to admit, I have done what I said I wouldn’t do. Some days, my husband gets the worst of me. Some days I have worried and stressed over this journey so much that I have nothing left. Some days I feel like I exhaust myself trying to do everything (because I think I’m superwoman). Some days, I simply just try to hold it all together. And by the end of those days, the best of me seems to be gone. I pick petty fights, I’m too tired to cook, the clothes in the washer have been washed 3 times and are still waiting to be moved to the dryer, or I just don’t feel like moving from the couch. Those are the days; he gets the worst of me.

Sometimes we bicker and fight over everything possible because the weight of what we are trying to balance has felt super heavy that day and/or week. Sometimes just my husband getting to do something relaxing and fun for him triggers jealousy in me. Jealousy that my life seems to revolve around the next medication, the next doctor appointment and working. If we are being truthful and I’m not dwelling in jealousy, his life also revolves around those things. He also deserves to be treated and to find relaxation. He may not be the one acting as a human pincushion or rushing back and forth between appointments but he is also battling through this infertility journey right along with me for our sweet Baby A’s.

I think it’s really easy to get caught up in this journey. I think it’s easy to get caught up in ourselves, in our situation, to sometimes just feel sorry for yourself, and to forget that you are not in this alone. All of these things can really make crossing into the angry-at-everyone side very, very easy. Your spouse is going through this too. Your family is hurting for you. Your friends are rooting for you to find success. You aren’t the slightest bit alone, unless you choose to be.

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So while we are not just floating through this winding road and taking every hit with a smile, we still, for lack of better terms, are crushing it. Yeah, the stress may bring on a few more arguments than usual and sometimes it seems like it’s never ending. But when we really reflect, what you are seeing on the outside still stands true. The laughing-until-we-cry, the goofs, the jokes, the smooches on the cheek, the butt slaps, the one million ‘honey’s’ we throw around and the I-love-you’s ARE what our relationship is.

 

3 Replies to “My Husband Gets The Worst Of Me”

  1. It really does test your relationship doesn’t it! But you seem to be supporting each other really well, and if you can’t help each other through the tough times, the good times won’t be as enjoyable, right? My husband said to me the other night ‘if we can make it through this year, parenting will be a breeze’. Not sure if that’s accurate, but it makes me feel like we’ll (and you guys) might be better parents at the end of all of this?

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  2. Oh Stacia, you are just human and I don’t know exactly what you are going through but for different reasons we were cheated out of being able to have a second or third child and Jerry got the brunt of my frustration and feeling inadequate. I had to have a hysterectomy before I was 27 and going through menopause more than once, he has been the blunt of my hormones many times. I too feel bad and wish I could take some of the things said and done back, but we are human. Jerry and AJ don’t know one another, but Jerry can relate and is a good listener. You and AJ are handling the situation as best you can. Even if you weren’t going through this there would be and will be times of tension because having a good relationship is hard and if people are honest, they too have fights and don’t always treat one another like they should. Just remember to talk and make sure there are lots of hugs and never go to bed mad at one another, which I know is hard sometimes. You will get through this and have an even stronger, deeper relationship. Positive thoughts……

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