This season of life, guys, it’s hard. We found out this week that our second transfer, with our last remaining embryo, failed. I haven’t wanted to deal with this news and I haven’t wanted to talk about it but with a push from my husband and remembering that my blog was made for a place to share our journey and all the details, good and/or bad, as real and raw as I could, I knew I needed to share.
Again, we knew going into our appointment that our transfer had failed and once again, seeing a negative test shocked me. Everything felt different this time but apparently it wasn’t a good different. I think we both are more frustrated this time around that we had another failed transfer. I know sometimes the body just rejects it and there’s nothing anyone can do but we just feel frustrated that nothing was changed in our protocol for this transfer.
We have decided to take a step back from IVF for a few months. We both feel that it is important to really be in the moment in our relationship and focus on us for the time being. We have spent many days, nights, and weekends stressed over our infertility journey and all of 2018 has been devoted to it. We are heartbroken about our failed transfer but at the same time, we are ready to try to relax a little and focus on the two of us.
We also made the decision to make a switch in doctors and fertility clinics. We have our consult mid-September but we won’t be starting another cycle until closer to the end of 2018. Along with the time off and hopefully being able to get some R&R, my body needs a break. It has been drowned in synthetic hormones for nearly 7 months now. It also has gone through a surgery, a retrieval and two transfers. I can tell that my body and mind just need a break from everything we have asked of it in the past months.
While I wish our story would have been different, I still am finding appreciation in it. My husband and I’s relationship has grown so far and so deep when I thought that we were already in the best place possible. This journey has grown our bond to be so strong and our love has grown so much deeper. So with that, I am appreciative of our journey and even appreciative of the heartbreak we have faced. If we can face this storm hand-in-hand, I don’t see anything else that could tear us down.