Hi all – long time, no talk. We’re still here trucking along.
I know we’ve been fairly quiet since letting you all know that our transfer failed, but turns out that some days are still a bit difficult. I still find it hard to spend a lot of time away from my husband as he’s my comfort through all of this and I know I can be an open book and let him know every thought I have at the second it crosses my mind without him thinking I’m a crazy woman (or maybe he does think I’m a little crazy sometimes, but he does a good job of hiding it – Ha!). Sometimes I think we forget that we are on this winding road and our lives feel less heavy and less busy but then something reminds us that we haven’t found our success quite yet and the day becomes a little darker.
A few days ago I was going on and on about our journey to my husband and I asked him how he doesn’t seem as upset and he said that he does get upset but he chooses to focus on what’s to come for us. He chooses not to stress over what has already happened and chooses to remains hopeful that Ranger will be our baby.
While I still find times that I am struggling and can’t put what I’m feeling into word, I agree whole heartedly with him. What will be, will be. We can’t dwell over what has already come and gone, we’ve already lived it and felt it (and honestly are still feeling it), we must choose to look forward at what our future holds and remain hopeful and full of faith that we will find success in our journey. This road we’re on, like anything in life, is all about choices and frankly the biggest choice we can make right now is whether we are going to remain hopeful and positive or whether we are going to sit and be sad by the cards we have been dealt. Honestly, I still feel upset by our outcome but along with those feelings of hurt I am going to still choose to be hopeful and optimistic and put all of my faith into Ranger.
Someday we will look back and all of this waiting, hurt, anxiousness, stress, and heaviness will all make sense. Someday when we are holding our Baby A in our arms, we will feel so full of love. Everything will feel like it has fallen into place for us and we will be forever grateful for our journey and the things that it has taught us.
Right now our troubles feel so big. It feels like we are climbing mountain after mountain, and I can’t wait for the day that all of this seems so small and just like a little bump in the road because although it doesn’t feel that way now, that’s exactly what it is – a small bump in the road and detour to our destination.
We’re not far out from our transfer of Ranger and even through the dark, he or she is our light and we are so blessed to have that babe to give us another shot.